Drawing fire from some conservatives, who say he's just trying to indoctrinate students to his political beliefs, President Barack Obama has modified plans for a televised back-to-school address to students next week. Obama will utilize themes from a classic animated educational series to call for a shared responsibility and commitment on the part of students, parents and educators.
Titled “White House Rocks!” the president’s address will encourage student to join him as he sings songs from the show, all given a “remix” by White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel.
The tunes include “I’m Just a Health Care Bill (that Republicans Oppose)”; “Lolly, Lolly, Lolly get your Public Option Here;” “60 is a Magic Number;” and “Conservative Junction, What’s Your Malfunction?”
In the Sept. 8 speech, Obama will challenge students to work hard, set goals for their education and take responsibility for their learning, as well as gain a perspective on important policies that will affect them and their families, Education Secretary Arne Duncan said in a letter to principals.
The Education Department is encouraging teachers to create lesson plans around the speech, using materials provided on the department website, www.obeyUS.gov.
Even before the speech some conservatives are crying foul. The chairman of the Florida Republican Party, Jim Greer, is condemning Obama's speech as an attempt to "indoctrinate America's children to his socialist agenda."
"This is just an invasive abuse of power. Children across our nation will be forced to watch the President justify his anti capitalist plans. And the guy can’t sing, either. It’s like listening to fingernails on a black, er, I mean, chalk board,” Greer said.
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In his letter to principals, Duncan said viewing of the speech is encouraged, but not mandatory. “Of course if they (principals) do not show the speech, children in the affected schools are encouraged to email us and let us know. We will then dispatch some of our Union friends to help ‘enlighten’ the non- participants.”
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Doctor, Doctor
Aides to President Barack Obama are putting the final touches on a new strategy to help Democrats recover from a brutal August recess. The new strategy calls for everyone in America to go to medical school.
Obama is considering detailing this health-care plan in a major speech as soon as next week, when Congress returns from the August recess.
“We’re entering a new season,” senior adviser David Axelrod said in a telephone interview. “It’s time to realize that the health care plan we have been backing is toast. Burnt toast. So we came up with a new plan. We call it “The Do It Yourself, or DIY, Medical System.”
“Obviously it is a different phase. We’re going to approach it in a different way. The president is going to be very active in ensuring every American has the title ‘M.D.’ after their name.”
Administration officials welcome a showdown with conservative lawmakers if they argue about the cost. “They (the Republicans) are always harping on personal responsibility,” an aide to Obama stated. “In our plan you take care of yourself. If you get sick, diagnose yourself. Prescribe your own drugs. Need an operation? Set up a hospital in your garage. The cost savings will be phenomenal!”
“President Obama’s goal is to create the best possible situation for consumers," Axelrod said. "And we have been listening to the town hall debates where everyone asks their representatives if they would sign up for the health care plan they want the make the public to use. Well, with this plan the Congress is actually going to be the first participants. In fact Barney Frank is currently attending Boston University Medical School to get a degree in Proctology. Nancy Pelosi has been taking classes in Cosmetic Surgery. Even former President Clinton has shown an interest in getting a degree in Gynecology.”
Obama is considering detailing this health-care plan in a major speech as soon as next week, when Congress returns from the August recess.
“We’re entering a new season,” senior adviser David Axelrod said in a telephone interview. “It’s time to realize that the health care plan we have been backing is toast. Burnt toast. So we came up with a new plan. We call it “The Do It Yourself, or DIY, Medical System.”
“Obviously it is a different phase. We’re going to approach it in a different way. The president is going to be very active in ensuring every American has the title ‘M.D.’ after their name.”
Administration officials welcome a showdown with conservative lawmakers if they argue about the cost. “They (the Republicans) are always harping on personal responsibility,” an aide to Obama stated. “In our plan you take care of yourself. If you get sick, diagnose yourself. Prescribe your own drugs. Need an operation? Set up a hospital in your garage. The cost savings will be phenomenal!”
“President Obama’s goal is to create the best possible situation for consumers," Axelrod said. "And we have been listening to the town hall debates where everyone asks their representatives if they would sign up for the health care plan they want the make the public to use. Well, with this plan the Congress is actually going to be the first participants. In fact Barney Frank is currently attending Boston University Medical School to get a degree in Proctology. Nancy Pelosi has been taking classes in Cosmetic Surgery. Even former President Clinton has shown an interest in getting a degree in Gynecology.”
Swimsuit competition
Former Miss USA runner-up Carrie Prejean is firing back at California pageant officials with a lawsuit over the questioning portion of the pageant.
“If Carrie had not answered the question in support of traditional marriage ... she would most certainly still be Miss California,” Prejean’s attorney Charles S Limandri told Foxnews.com. “So we are requesting a new set of questioners, namely the White House Press corps.”
The 22-year-old beauty queen filed a complaint Monday morning in Los Angeles Superior Court. Prejean lost her crown three months ago for what state pageant officials claimed was a “breach of contract” and failure to attend scheduled appearances.
“Over the past two months we have worked hard to provide overwhelming evidence that Miss Prejean did not violate her contract. She did not deserve to have her title revoked” Limandri claimed. “We have done this in an effort for people to know the truth. But the truth didn’t work. So we want a do over with a new softball question like the ones the White House reporters serve up.”
“All of this mess happened because of that stupid gay marriage question,” Prejean stated. “So I want a new question, an easy question, you know, like that guy Gibbs gets all the time. Maybe something about what kind of puppy I’m gonna get if I win.”
“If Carrie had not answered the question in support of traditional marriage ... she would most certainly still be Miss California,” Prejean’s attorney Charles S Limandri told Foxnews.com. “So we are requesting a new set of questioners, namely the White House Press corps.”
The 22-year-old beauty queen filed a complaint Monday morning in Los Angeles Superior Court. Prejean lost her crown three months ago for what state pageant officials claimed was a “breach of contract” and failure to attend scheduled appearances.
“Over the past two months we have worked hard to provide overwhelming evidence that Miss Prejean did not violate her contract. She did not deserve to have her title revoked” Limandri claimed. “We have done this in an effort for people to know the truth. But the truth didn’t work. So we want a do over with a new softball question like the ones the White House reporters serve up.”
“All of this mess happened because of that stupid gay marriage question,” Prejean stated. “So I want a new question, an easy question, you know, like that guy Gibbs gets all the time. Maybe something about what kind of puppy I’m gonna get if I win.”
Turn your head and cough...
On the first day of National Preparedness Month, President Obama cautioned people about the second wave of the H1N1 or swine flu virus this fall – wearing a biohazard suit.
“We know that we usually get a second, larger wave of these flu viruses in the fall, and so response plans have been put in place across all levels of government,” Mr. Obama said, his voice muffled by a protective respirator. “Our plans and decisions are based on the best scientific information available, from the same experts who brought you the ‘Cash for Clunkers’ program.”
The President said the government is making “steady progress” developing a safe and effective vaccine. “We expect a flu shot program will begin soon. And like my health care plan, with this program you will have no choice whether or not you take it.”
The President called on every American to play a role in responding to the virus, except those who are of or approaching retirement age. “We need our most seasoned citizens to take the lead by not clogging hospitals and health care providers to receive the anti-viral medications and vaccines available. Let’s face it, your old; you are going to die soon anyway, so it might as well be from swine flu.”
The President concluded his update with some hopeful news about the economy. “If our flu efforts go well we anticipate a reduction in the amount of spending in the Social Security and Medicare Systems over the next several months.”
“We know that we usually get a second, larger wave of these flu viruses in the fall, and so response plans have been put in place across all levels of government,” Mr. Obama said, his voice muffled by a protective respirator. “Our plans and decisions are based on the best scientific information available, from the same experts who brought you the ‘Cash for Clunkers’ program.”
The President said the government is making “steady progress” developing a safe and effective vaccine. “We expect a flu shot program will begin soon. And like my health care plan, with this program you will have no choice whether or not you take it.”
The President called on every American to play a role in responding to the virus, except those who are of or approaching retirement age. “We need our most seasoned citizens to take the lead by not clogging hospitals and health care providers to receive the anti-viral medications and vaccines available. Let’s face it, your old; you are going to die soon anyway, so it might as well be from swine flu.”
The President concluded his update with some hopeful news about the economy. “If our flu efforts go well we anticipate a reduction in the amount of spending in the Social Security and Medicare Systems over the next several months.”
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
No "I" in Team
Minnesota Viking and future Hall of Fame Quarterback Brett Favre holds many records, including most consecutive starts. Moments after beating the Houston Texans 17-10 in a preseason game Monday night, Favre announced that he will be leaving the team immediately to pursue another record - playing for every team in the league in one season.
ESPN reported before the game that Favre said he thinks he has the right to do this, even though he will be causing chaos in locker rooms across the country. “Look, I’m Brett Favre. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, and teams just grab ankles and let me. So why should this be any different?”
"There is nothing you can do about it first of all, secondly, I feel great and I think I will be fine. And, besides, there is nothing you can do about it."
Favre said he wasn't out to hurt anyone and was simply trying to pad his already thick resume, and bank account. “Scott (Boris, Favre’s agent) figures we can get a minimum of $5 million per team. In one season that is some serious cheese, and it ain’t Wisconsin cheese either!”
When asked where he will go next Favre stated “Well, might as well stay in the Division, go through the lousy teams first, like Detroit. I am planning so that by the time it rolls around I will have two teams left, the two that are playing in the Super Bowl. One way or the other I will get another ring.”
ESPN reported before the game that Favre said he thinks he has the right to do this, even though he will be causing chaos in locker rooms across the country. “Look, I’m Brett Favre. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, and teams just grab ankles and let me. So why should this be any different?”
"There is nothing you can do about it first of all, secondly, I feel great and I think I will be fine. And, besides, there is nothing you can do about it."
Favre said he wasn't out to hurt anyone and was simply trying to pad his already thick resume, and bank account. “Scott (Boris, Favre’s agent) figures we can get a minimum of $5 million per team. In one season that is some serious cheese, and it ain’t Wisconsin cheese either!”
When asked where he will go next Favre stated “Well, might as well stay in the Division, go through the lousy teams first, like Detroit. I am planning so that by the time it rolls around I will have two teams left, the two that are playing in the Super Bowl. One way or the other I will get another ring.”
Right on his feet
In a move sure to upset Republicans the White House on Monday announced it has involuntarily signed up former Vice President Dick Cheney to appear on the ABC series “Dancing with the Stars”.
Cheney, in an interview recently aired on FOX News Sunday, called the Obama administration's decision to open a probe into alleged CIA abuses an "outrageous political act." White House Press Secretary Roberts Gibbs claimed. "This is the same song and dance we've heard since literally the first day of our administration. If the vice president wants to do a song and dance routine then this is a good opportunity for him to show his stuff and give his ole heart a workout!”
Gibbs suggested the former vice president's criticism about a newly formed unit responsible for interrogating high-value detainees was also reason for Cheney’s involuntary participation in the popular show but plans had been in the works for quite some time.
"With the major networks in our back pocket we were just looking for a show to put Cheney on. We originally planned on putting him on the water obstacle laden ABC show “Wipeout,” but the producers told us if we water board him we would have to water board everybody. And we do not torture terrorists, or citizens. We would, of course, make an exception for Dick.”
Cheney, in an interview recently aired on FOX News Sunday, called the Obama administration's decision to open a probe into alleged CIA abuses an "outrageous political act." White House Press Secretary Roberts Gibbs claimed. "This is the same song and dance we've heard since literally the first day of our administration. If the vice president wants to do a song and dance routine then this is a good opportunity for him to show his stuff and give his ole heart a workout!”
Gibbs suggested the former vice president's criticism about a newly formed unit responsible for interrogating high-value detainees was also reason for Cheney’s involuntary participation in the popular show but plans had been in the works for quite some time.
"With the major networks in our back pocket we were just looking for a show to put Cheney on. We originally planned on putting him on the water obstacle laden ABC show “Wipeout,” but the producers told us if we water board him we would have to water board everybody. And we do not torture terrorists, or citizens. We would, of course, make an exception for Dick.”
General (ly) Speaking...
Responding to criticism from former Vice President Cheney that President Obama is making the nation more vulnerable to terrorism, the president’s National Security Adviser, Gen. Jim Jones (Ret.), told ABC News that President Obama’s greater success with international relations has meant more terrorists put out of commission.
Jones said. “President Obama has taken the leadership on this subject and is approaching the threat in a slightly different way – actually a radically different way. Truth and reality will no longer play any part in our planning or in how we respond to terrorism, or reporters.”
“You can pretty much take anything we say and the opposite will be true. We can do this because you (the press) don’t actually check to see if we are telling the truth,” Jones claimed. “So if I were to say that we captured Osama Bin Laden last night at a 7-11 in Kandahar, while it is total B.S., you all will report it as fact.”
The former Marine General, choking back laughter, stated “We are killing more people, capturing more people than they (the Bush Administration) did. The good intelligence from both the CIA and intelligence agencies from US allies has made the difference!”
“I take exception to assertions that something that we decided or the president decided will make the country less safe,” Jones said. “I just don’t agree with that. We are about making this country safe. So we make up these stories, like the one about Bin Laden, and everybody feels safer. And I’ll take feeling safer over knowing the truth any day.”
Jones didn’t buy Cheney’s argument that the fact the U.S. didn’t experience any terrorist attacks on U.S. soil after September 11, 2001 proves Bush administration terror fighting techniques were effective. “It’s very easy to leave office and say, ‘Well, no other disaster happened on the size and scope of 9/11, so we did our job well. We (the Obama Administration) do not have to do our job well. As long as we have a media giving only our version of the truth Al Qaida could bomb Disneyworld and you would report it as a new Hanna Montana ride.”
Jones said. “President Obama has taken the leadership on this subject and is approaching the threat in a slightly different way – actually a radically different way. Truth and reality will no longer play any part in our planning or in how we respond to terrorism, or reporters.”
“You can pretty much take anything we say and the opposite will be true. We can do this because you (the press) don’t actually check to see if we are telling the truth,” Jones claimed. “So if I were to say that we captured Osama Bin Laden last night at a 7-11 in Kandahar, while it is total B.S., you all will report it as fact.”
The former Marine General, choking back laughter, stated “We are killing more people, capturing more people than they (the Bush Administration) did. The good intelligence from both the CIA and intelligence agencies from US allies has made the difference!”
“I take exception to assertions that something that we decided or the president decided will make the country less safe,” Jones said. “I just don’t agree with that. We are about making this country safe. So we make up these stories, like the one about Bin Laden, and everybody feels safer. And I’ll take feeling safer over knowing the truth any day.”
Jones didn’t buy Cheney’s argument that the fact the U.S. didn’t experience any terrorist attacks on U.S. soil after September 11, 2001 proves Bush administration terror fighting techniques were effective. “It’s very easy to leave office and say, ‘Well, no other disaster happened on the size and scope of 9/11, so we did our job well. We (the Obama Administration) do not have to do our job well. As long as we have a media giving only our version of the truth Al Qaida could bomb Disneyworld and you would report it as a new Hanna Montana ride.”
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