Doctor, Doctor

Aides to President Barack Obama are putting the final touches on a new strategy to help Democrats recover from a brutal August recess. The new strategy calls for everyone in America to go to medical school.

Obama is considering detailing this health-care plan in a major speech as soon as next week, when Congress returns from the August recess.

“We’re entering a new season,” senior adviser David Axelrod said in a telephone interview. “It’s time to realize that the health care plan we have been backing is toast. Burnt toast. So we came up with a new plan. We call it “The Do It Yourself, or DIY, Medical System.”

“Obviously it is a different phase. We’re going to approach it in a different way. The president is going to be very active in ensuring every American has the title ‘M.D.’ after their name.”

Administration officials welcome a showdown with conservative lawmakers if they argue about the cost. “They (the Republicans) are always harping on personal responsibility,” an aide to Obama stated. “In our plan you take care of yourself. If you get sick, diagnose yourself. Prescribe your own drugs. Need an operation? Set up a hospital in your garage. The cost savings will be phenomenal!”

“President Obama’s goal is to create the best possible situation for consumers," Axelrod said. "And we have been listening to the town hall debates where everyone asks their representatives if they would sign up for the health care plan they want the make the public to use. Well, with this plan the Congress is actually going to be the first participants. In fact Barney Frank is currently attending Boston University Medical School to get a degree in Proctology. Nancy Pelosi has been taking classes in Cosmetic Surgery. Even former President Clinton has shown an interest in getting a degree in Gynecology.”