Turn your head and cough...

On the first day of National Preparedness Month, President Obama cautioned people about the second wave of the H1N1 or swine flu virus this fall – wearing a biohazard suit.

“We know that we usually get a second, larger wave of these flu viruses in the fall, and so response plans have been put in place across all levels of government,” Mr. Obama said, his voice muffled by a protective respirator. “Our plans and decisions are based on the best scientific information available, from the same experts who brought you the ‘Cash for Clunkers’ program.”

The President said the government is making “steady progress” developing a safe and effective vaccine. “We expect a flu shot program will begin soon. And like my health care plan, with this program you will have no choice whether or not you take it.”

The President called on every American to play a role in responding to the virus, except those who are of or approaching retirement age. “We need our most seasoned citizens to take the lead by not clogging hospitals and health care providers to receive the anti-viral medications and vaccines available. Let’s face it, your old; you are going to die soon anyway, so it might as well be from swine flu.”

The President concluded his update with some hopeful news about the economy. “If our flu efforts go well we anticipate a reduction in the amount of spending in the Social Security and Medicare Systems over the next several months.”