Iran told a U.N. nuclear watchdog group that it is stopping its nuclear program and putting all of its efforts in to a new endeavour – a nationwide chain of coffee shops, the Associated Press and New York Times reported on Friday.
The chain, called “Jihad Java”, will soon open in most major cities of the country.
“We are no longer seeking to blow people up with nuclear bombs. From now on our goal is to make their taste buds explode with delight!” Iranian Foreign Minister Manouchehr Mottaki announced Friday.
“We have 50,000 centrifuges that we used to use for uranium enrichment. Now they will be converted into espresso machines”.
Unnamed sources told the newspaper that U.S. officials have been tracking the secret coffee house project for years, but Iran only recently discovered the West had been monitoring the project.
Asked why the coffee shops buildings, which are barely 1000 sq ft in size, are being built on top of 30 ft thick concrete slabs with steel access doors several feet thick that lead to cavernous underground facilities, Mottaki told the times “We need the storage space. We intend to make A LOT of coffee.”
President Obama was encouraged by the announcement. “I am glad to see that the Iranians have taken our advice and stopped their nuclear program. I am looking forward to having a White Chocolate Mocha with Mahmoud when I visit Tehran next month.
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Oh darn it! Iran has seen that Canada's national chain of donut shops, Tim Hortons, is actually using the recycled parts from the Avro Arrow! The secret is out!
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