Hard times

The recession is ending and the economy is finally growing again. That's the message implicit in the Federal Reserve's latest survey of businesses around the country. But consumers are not getting the message and are cautious about spending in uncertain times. So the Federal Reserve is trying a new approach – utilizing a certain male body part to explain the state of the economy.

“Everyone either has or has had contact with male genitalia,” said Brian Bethune, economist at IHS Global Insight. “So we are going to use that knowledge to let people know how the country’s fiscal phallus is doing.”

Bethune went on to site an example of the new approach. “Take this headline from the St. Louis Dispatch: ‘Economists warn expansion is limp. More staying power needed.’ This story makes the common citizen aware that the economy is not up where it should be.”

Most regions of the country reflected that the recession was easing. "The recession has been dry humping the country, not allowing it to get big,” Bethune claims. “Consumers need to get a grip on this economy and choke that chicken stiff.”

The survey's findings will figure into discussions when Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke and his colleagues meet Sept. 22-23. The Fed is expected to keep interest rates at record lows, probably for some time, to help nurture the recovery.

“The Obama Administration and Congress better wrap their hands around this economy,” Bethune declared. “If they don’t they might all get a case of ‘Electile Dysfunction’ in 2010.”