Thursday, September 3, 2009

Father Knows Bestest

Levi Johnston, the father of Sarah Palin's grandchild, said the former Republican vice presidential candidate wanted to adopt his child so that people wouldn't know her 17-year-old daughter was pregnant.

“She (Sarah) was afraid people would consider her a bad mother if her daughter got pregnant and wasn’t married. But girls get knocked up all the time up here in Alaska. It’s colder than a polar bear’s balls 11 months outta the year. What else you gonna do to keep warm?”

In an interview with Vanity Fair, Johnston said Palin had a plan to deal with Bristol's pregnancy. “Bristol got huge when she was pregnant. So Sarah was just gonna tell everyone that she had a thyroid condition.”

Johnston, 19, lived in the Palin house for two months awaiting the birth of the baby, Tripp, who was born in December. The couple called off the wedding shortly after their son's birth. “Sure, I wanted to marry Bristol," Johnston proclaimed. "Have you seen her house? It’s frickin’ huge! Sure beats the Chevy van I live in down by the Wasilla River.”

Johnston, in national interviews, claims he's pursuing a career as an actor or a model.

“I’m waiting for a call back from that show ‘The Biggest Loser.’ People always call me that so I think I’ve got a good chance of winning,” Johnston claimed. “And the Trojan Condom Company wants me to be in an ad. They said it would be a picture of me with the caption ‘Girls, do you want this guy to be your Baby Daddy?’ I hope it will be a hit with the ladies because lately I can’t even buy a date. The only action I have been getting is the occasional wounded moose.”

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